I was scared at the thought of her going through this; but during the whole process I just felt a real peace that the Lord had it under control. Now you can call it ignorance or anything you want; but I really believe that the Lord will take care of me and mine in any situation. It may not always come out the way I think it should; but HE knows what He's doing and I really believe I can trust Him!!!
Now to the day of the surgery. As we got ready I was literally praying without ceasing...as I got things ready...as I fixed her hair...put her in the car. My nerves were setting in. I knew the Lord had control; but I needed to remind Him :0)
S dressed in her princess pj's
The little lamb is the one that we had
prayed over and she had in the NICU
when she was born.
We prayed over it again and her blanket
before we went to the hospital this time.
As we were driving to drop off M at a friends house this song came to mind...
"I have a deep settled peace in my soul.
Since Jesus came and He made me whole.
Since He opened my eyes I see
A better way in store for me
I have a deep settled peace in my soul."
And I did. The rest of the way I knew that I could depend on that deep settled peace.
When we got to the hospital we got her checked in and then sat down to wait a bit. Her Mamaw Janet, and Aunt Karen; and Leah Miller came to the hospital to be there with us. This was a real blessing later as well because it kept my mind off what was going on in the OR.
Here are some pictures of before she went into surgery:
Showing off her lamb...
Happy Juice time :0)
Cracking us up...
She thought this was funny...
Lovin' on her Mamaw :0)
After this picture we laid her back down in her bed...wrapped her in her little blanket...gave her kisses and they wheeled her away. At that very moment I felt like grabbing her off the bed and running out the door. I was so scared. Scared something would happen to her...scared that maybe God had an outcome for her that I wouldn't understand...scared that she would be scared...all kinds of thoughts going through my head!!! I practically ran out the door because I didn't want to hear her crying for me or I might lose it.
We waited in the waiting room for about 30 minutes or so and the doctor came out to let us know that all went well and she was sleeping. They would come and get us when she woke up.
I can't tell you what it was like to walk into her recovery room. I was alone because Phillip went to pull the car around and when I walked in there was a nurse on either side of S holding her arms and rubbing her back. She was crying softly and when she saw me she started wiggling to get to me. The nurses said she had fought them when she woke up; but when I got there she had already given up. I thought this was the saddest thing.
She was very disoriented and clung to me like a scared kitten. She would whimper and I would talk to her...the one thing that really calmed her was me praying for her. It was no big long prayer...all I could say was Jesus Jesus Jesus...and rub her back until she came around. That was enough.
We tried to get her to drink a little and she did. She also ate a little bit of Popsicle although she was a little put out because it wasn't red :0)
When she started to really wake up she started asking for her Mamaw so Phillip left and got her. When she came in that was the first time she smiled!! From there it was better.
As we drove home she would just cry tears...no sobs...just tears. She didn't understand what was going on. Once I heard her mumble something and I asked her to repeat it if she could. She said "You weren't there." I said "yes I was...I was right outside the door." She said "you weren't there when I woke up." My heart broke in a million pieces!!!! They wouldn't let me be there when she woke up...it's not like the movies y'all!! I had to control myself from crying and try to explain to my 4-year-old that the hospital wouldn't let me; but as soon as she started to wake up they ran and got me. Not sure if it sunk in; but I hope so. :o(
As for our journey now...
Day 1Arby's. Go figure I have the only kid in the world that cries because she gets to eat ice cream for a week!!! LOL!!! She slept well and didn't wake at all.
Day 2 - Still good - Eating and drinking fine. Still mad because she has to eat pudding etc...Lord help us!!! She slept a lot on this day.
Day 3 - A little cranky; but still doing well with the drinking and eating. Ate Mac n Cheese and eggs today. For Dinner went to Mamaw and Papaw's and had some more mac n cheese and played. Trying so hard to keep her still; but not happening very much.
Day 4 - OK here it goes!! - She is very cranky and I am having to encourage her to drink. Last few days she has kind of done it on her own. She did ok eating for breakfast and lunch. When she woke up from her nap she was crying because her mouth hurt. She is feeling the pain a lot more today. I am thinking it must be healing.
I do want to thank all of you who have said prayers for our little girl. I know that it is the prayers of God's people that are giving her the strength to make it through this. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!!!!
More updates to come.