Friday, April 1, 2011

Do I have what it takes? No; but HE does.

Sophia our first born is reaching the age to where it is time to start thinking about her education.  She is only 3; but already I can tell that she is becoming very bored with her everyday life of playing.  She needs more.  As I started thinking about all this I began thinking about my options.  Option 1 - We found a great little mother's day out down the street that she absolutely loved.  Option 2 -  I could try to invent ideas to try and occupy her.  Option 3 - to put her in 2 day mother's day out for the social reasons and then spend my 5 days at home with her teaching her myself.  Or we could continue on this path that we are on.  Not an option anymore.  My children need more.  I need more.     
I have found in my life that I am a very schedule oriented person.  Even though I don't have one written out I tend to do the same things in the same order every time.  I have also learned in the last few months that when something interrupts that unwritten schedule my whole world falls apart.  Not good as life always happens.  I need a schedule; but I need one that is flexible and leaves room for life to happen. 
I have gotten so off kilter lately that I have felt that I have been going around in circles.  No progress.  Now that the Lord has helped me with my relationship with Phillip I think He is moving on to my relationship with my children.  I am going to say this and you may disagree or even that we are moving into this new stage in our lives (preschool) I must admit that infancy was easier.  I know with all the craziness of that it sounds crazy; but I think it's true.  They couldn't talk back and I could appease them with a bottle or food.  LOL!!  It doesn't work like that anymore.  I find myself losing my temper now more than ever before.  Over silly stuff.  The lessons are getting harder.  Lord help me when I have 2 teenagers in the house!!! 
In my quest for organization I am finding that not just my home needs organizing; but my life.  I have just kind of went along with the flow and now it is catching up with me.  If I don't take hold (with the Lord's help of course) of my days I am just giving them over to whatever decides it's interested.  I keep thinking about places in the Bible that talk about the unprofitable servant, and the slothful; and worse yet the house that was clean and swept. 
I could continue on; but I will get to the point.  I am horrible about planning and follow through.  That would be the Choleric part of me.  I can plan like a champ; but my follow through is lacking.  So I am asking for your prayers as I go on this journey.  It is MY job as a mother to teach my children the way to go; and I feel that need so much lately.  I have been neglectful in this area of my home and the Lord has really been dealing with me about this.  As I'm sure you can tell by my previous posts.  I want my husband and children to call me blessed.  Not because I am so great; but because I did everything I could to make them feel great!!!  I want Christ's love to shine through like never before.  How can I expect to be a true and faithful witness for the Lord if my life does not back up my words?  Lord help me.  
Once I figure it out I will post my schedule on here as a kind of accountability test.  Maybe if I know you all are watching me I will be more apt to doing it.  I am giving it a month in which I will try to work all the kinks out and then hopefully starting in September we will be off to the races.  I feel my inadequacies very strongly; but I feel the need for a change.  I know that I do not have the strength; but HE does.   

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