“Willing to be changed
Willing to be changed
I know I can’t see all He’s planning for me
Till I’m willing to be changed”
This weekend was one of those weekends that you leave with a lot to think about. It’s funny how you can sit in a service…services and hear the message going forth and be thinking “My goodness…I hope no one realizes that he is talking about me”. You know that the words going forth are slicing and cutting the flesh and also feeding your soul; but at the same time you wish that without causing a scene you could quietly find a hole and jump into it…never to surface again. At least not to surface again until those ugly spots are barely a glimmer of a memory.
You go along in life and you the Lord shows you something about yourself…you mourn over that ugly spot…the Lord encourages you…He helps you get past it and wash that ugly spot…and then you look back on that spot and think WOW I really didn’t think I was gonna make it through that one; but look what God can do!! You’re feeling really good and then He shows you an even uglier spot. Ouchie…Lord that’s a really big one. And it’s got so many facets that I’m not sure I can even clean that spot.
As we heard this weekend you have to be willing to tell the Lord yes. Whatever you need to do to save me Lord, whooie…whatever you need to do could be awfully painful. As Aunt Karen said you have to make the decision to take that nail out of your foot and let go of whatever has been holding you back.
As the Lord took the time to show me myself this weekend it began to make sense of some things I had been feeling, going through, and dealing with previously. I even thought to myself “Awww man, are you serious???” I looked at myself long and hard in a few areas.
My first thought was “why do I have such a hard time saying yes”. I thought about that this afternoon.
Tonight my answer came in a not so nice…felt like it was tattooed across my forehead kind of way. Because yes you have gained victory in some things…yes you have overcome some things; but it has only been when you closed your eyes, raised your hands; and cried out LORD I’ll do it YOUR way and NOT MINE!!!
I guess I thought that if I finally made it and said that final yes to the Lord that it would all be smooth sailing from there. You know like breaking the ice…you say the first yes which should be the hardest and then all the others after that get easier right?? Kind of like creating a habit?? WRONG!!! The yes’s seem to me to get harder and require more trust in the Lord. It’s not a onetime…fix all kind of yes. It’s a continual “yes Lord…yes Lord…yes Lord”.
Those ugly places sometimes have deep roots and they must be dug out little bits at a time till one day you hear a “POP” and that last and final hold gives way.
My ugly places are U-G-L-Y for sure; but Lord I’m standing here…with my eyes closed…my head and hands raised to you…and I’m crying “Lord if I am going to be clean and holy…pure and true…if I’m going to stand before you without spot or wrinkle or blemish…Lord Jesus…Father in Heaven…it will be because of you!!!” There is nothing I can do in myself; but say yes lord and begin to apply the truth that we have heard today. If I make it…it will not be because I shouted the loudest…danced the hardest…preached the most…or received the most praise…it will be because YOU the God of heaven had mercy on my soul and looked down and applied grace to my life. It will be because YOU looked at me and said yes she is a dirty lump of coal; but if she’ll say yes to me I do believe I can use her.
No, I can’t see what lies ahead; but I can see how He has worked behind me till now. All the steps that He has brought me through to this point to try to get me to let go of the things I am holding onto. I don’t even know all the things I hold in my hand; but if when He shows them to me I can let go and let go again and let go again…one day I will look down at my hands and they will be clean…pure…holy…fit for the Master’s use.