I Want To Be A Stone God Can Use

Today as Bro. Wright talked I kept getting this picture of a bunch of little lumps of dirt being processed into diamonds.  I know we all know this analogy; but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.  One statement he made today was that most of us aren’t out drinking, smoking, etc…but the process we are in now is the Lord working on our spirit.  AMEN!!!!  It’s that fine tuning process.  That one that gets you to ask the question…why do I do the things I do. 

I kept thinking how that a diamond can be dug out of the earth and them just be placed on a table…yes uncut diamonds are worth something, and it’s wonderful to be cut out of the earth; but that is where some people stop.  Until the diamond is shaped and cut it cannot be used.  A diamond when finished will reflect the precision and talents of the cutter.    

Now there are more than one use for a diamond; but I am thinking of the ones that are placed inside a piece of jewelry.  I came home and began to look up the process of diamond mining.  Here is what I found…

·         The formation of natural diamond requires very specific conditions—exposure of carbon-bearing materials to high pressure.  (In order for a diamond to even begin to form in the ground it is already exposed to heat and pressure.  Those little bitty trials we go through to cause something to begin to grow there.)

·         The ground where the raw material lies is dug up and sent for processing. (The Lord uncovers us and begins to separate us from the world.  Even if we were born and raised in the body…we must first be separated from the world.)

·         There are several steps that the raw mined material must endure before it is cut and polished for display. The first step of processing is to haul the diamondiferous material to the modular processing plant.   (We are hauled to the processing plant…the church that the Lord leads you to.  We must be in the processing plant in order to be processed.  Otherwise we will never be transformed from dirt to useable material.)

·         The conglomerate is put into a large crushing machine and smashed until the crystals are released. This must be done carefully so as to not harm the precious gems.  Milling the material is more suitable for some deposits. Milling is a process where the diamondiferous material is placed in huge rotating drums that contain water. The material slowly disintegrates leaving only raw diamonds.  (The Lord begins to break us down until all that is left is the diamond.  He encourages us…woos us and sometimes must crush us till finally we begin to say yes Lord…)

·         Washing is the next step for removing yet finer diamonds from the abundance of mined diamond ore. The process is best used with another popular separation technique known as screening. Screening is best known from the gold rush days. A screen of known size is places beneath the material as it is tumbled allowing only a certain diameter of particles to pass through.  (Those finer specimens…the ones who have submitted to allow the Lord to begin forming and shaping them are the only ones that remain after this process.  Those that finally are ready to allow the Lord to begin to shape them into the gems they are to become.)

·         Finishing touches:  Once extracted, the diamond must be polished then can undergo a multitude of cuts. Sawing and cleaving the gems is used during the polishing phase. The modern diamond cutter is focused on creating the best, most flawless diamond in the industry to get maximum economic profits. The cutter must first analyze each diamond, by hand, to observe any inclusions. By doing this, the best possible section of the diamond can be utilized when setting in a piece of jewelry.  (Each of us have a specific plan the Lord develops us to shape us into his will.  EACH diamond is analyzed and a plan is formed…the cutter knows just what it will take to cause that diamond to give off the most light.)

·         Mined rough diamonds are converted into gems through a multi-step process called "cutting". Diamonds are extremely hard, but also brittle and can be split up by a single blow. Therefore, diamond cutting is traditionally considered as a delicate procedure requiring skills, scientific knowledge, tools and experience.  (Simply put…the cutter knows what He is doing!!)

·         After initial cutting, the diamond is shaped in numerous stages of polishing. Unlike cutting, which is a responsible but quick operation, polishing removes material by gradual erosion and is extremely time consuming.   (Little by little, day by day.  Little by little in every way.  Jesus is changing me.)

·         When exposed, diamonds exhibit luminescence which can also vary in intensity. (This is a completed diamond…one that when the Lord pulls the curtain back on it will shine and reflect the glory of the Lord.  He’s looking for diamonds that when placed under a microscope will be proven flawless.)

After the message today I cried and thought all the way home for lunch.  They were hard things to hear…it was hard to see myself in the things he was talking about.  I did a lot of thinking.  As I got to church that night and we stood to worship the Lord I began to think…

“Lord, this is going to be really hard.  I’m not sure if I can do this.  But, Lord, we’ve been through some hard places before; not once have you left me alone.  This door way we are walking through may be a little bit more narrow than the one we just went through; but I know that you’re going through it with me…and if I will just say yes Lord…I’ll go, that you will help me drop off a little of that weight so I can fit through just fine.”

You see I know that the fine tuning the Lord is giving me is hard…sometimes I feel like jumping off that table and saying nope…I am DONE; but I told the Lord a longtime ago that I wanted to make the Bride.  When asked the question…what is your greatest fear...honestly it is disappointing the Lord and failing to accept the treasure He is offering; but instead of looking at myself…at all my weaknesses if I can just look at Him.  I’m still here…the Lord has not gotten rid of me yet…that must mean that he still has a plan for me. 

Sis. Leah Miller said this morning she was gonna stop listening to the devil telling her that it was already to late…that she had missed her chance and get busy instead.  I agree. I’ve listened to him…my own discouragement whatever you want to call it long enough.  The devil doesn’t get to decide if I make the Bride…God does and GOD is on MY side!!!!!   Lord let me let go of my will…my wants to make the Bride on my own terms and finally do it on His.

References I used about diamond processing:                              

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diamond

http://academic.emporia.edu/abersusa/go336/ringler/diamondmining.htm

 

Whatever It Takes

We had a really good service last night!!  (Oak Forest 1-15-2012)  Good testimonies and songs, and Bro. Wright did a great job talking about hearing the Lord’s voice and being willing to obey it.  He really lined it out for us. 

Sis. Lydia followed it up by a pretty song with some hard words…”Whatever it takes for my will to break…”

I tend to have a really hard time singing songs like that because I immediately think of my kids and I can hardly hold them and sing “Whatever it takes”.  It’s just too much to even think about.  As I was texting some this last night it’s almost like I am saying “Lord, whatever it takes…that you have to do to me…but not my kids Lord”.  This is something I have always struggled with. 

This morning I was thinking about the service…and about that feeling…the thought hit me…”He’s not requiring that right now.”   I felt the HOLY GHOST all over!!!  He is not requiring that of me right now.  What is the Lord asking me to do RIGHT NOW??  It’s not the big bad hard things right now.  It’s the little things.  Things that should be easy to do.

He’s requiring me to turn off the television…turn off the computer…read more…pray more…be kinder to my children…to my husband…watch how I respond to things…these are some of the things the Lord is dealing with me about right now.   

Instead of getting so distracted by all the things the Lord MIGHT require of me someday I need to focus on the things He IS requiring right now.  They are not big in the grand scheme of things; but really they are because if I can’t obey in these little things I for sure won’t be able to obey when the BIG things come around.  I need to instead   1) Listen for the Lord’s voice in my life   2) OBEY – not try to talk myself out of it, or ignore it till it goes away; but OBEY!!! 

Today the opportunity presented itself… (Meaning…my girls were still for longer than 20 seconds…) for me to tell my girls a Bible story.  This weekend Bro. Brown was talking about his childhood a little bit and mentioned that when his family got saved that his mother began to read them a chapter out of the Bible every night before bed.  That really pricked my heart because I should be doing a lot more.  I should be teaching me children little tidbits throughout the day.  Taking the chances when they come around to plant these truths in their little hearts.  So…back to my story.  It just so happened that they were still :o) so I asked them if they wanted me to tell them a story.  They said yes so I thought for a second and began to tell them about the story of Noah building the Ark.  When I got to the end I told them that the rainbow was a promise from God and then asked them if they knew any promises that the Lord has given them?  They both said no so I began to name a few…
He promised to never leave you or forsake you.  He promised to always love and watch over you.  He promised that if you will love and serve Him that you can reign with Him someday. 
I really felt the Lord back me up and I knew that this was something that the Lord wanted me to take more time to do for them while they are young. 
As they went off to play I still was thinking about those promises and this phrase kept going over and over in my head…”To him that overcometh…to him that overcometh”.  Now we have all heard these but they encouraged me so much today that I thought I would share them with you.  He has given us for sure…without a doubt promises…if we continue in obedience. 
Revelations 2 & 3

2:7 – To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God.

2:17 – To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the hidden manna, and will give him a white stone, and in the stone a new name written, which no man knoweth saving he that recieveth it.
2:26 – 28 – And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations: And he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of the potter shall they be broken to shivers: even as I received of my Father.  And I will give him the morning star.
3:5 – He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels.
3:12 – Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name.

3:21 – To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in His throne.

3:22 – He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches.

One Day at a Time

After spending time being discouraged because of my faults and failures I decided today that I have to repent and then move on.  I have to let go and trust that the Lord is going to forgive me for my failures and choose to start again.  I think I must have felt that I needed to pay some sort of penance by dwelling on them...worrying about them...and beating myself up.  The thought occurred to me today that doing this is not profitable anymore.  All that does is keep me beaten down and in the same place.  This doesn't allow me to grow.  I learn and grow by making the mistake...repenting...and turning from my ways.  Dwelling on it keeps it there in front of me and more often than not I tend to go right back to doing what I repented for. So...I am trying something different..."One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus".  So TODAY I started over :o)  TODAY I will take everything one step at a time...then before I go to bed I will thank the Lord for the victories won and repent for the battles lost...I will go to sleep and start again tomorrow. 

Power of Prayer

Something I've been thinking about tonight.  I overheard a younger woman asking a little bit older woman what bit of advice they would give a newly married couple.  As she was speaking my heart screamed out within me LEARN HOW TO PRAY.  Not that marriage is all difficulties (some parts are); but it is so important to develop that relationship with the Lord so that when the hard times come you know right where to go.  I felt like shouting it from the roof tops.  Don't be timid about calling on the name of the Lord.  He is the one that can make the difference between a marriage surviving or failing.  I know this for a fact.  I have failed to use this tool as often as I should and have lived to regret it severely sometimes!!!  You may not always have time to take an hour to pray; but if you've spent time doing that when you DO have time you will be able to tap into that strength and connection at a moments notice.  I wish I could get over how important this is by just writing it.

PRAY   PRAY   PRAY   PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I love to read and have gained a lot of knowledge about life from books; but I have also found in marriage and in parenting that if I will take the time to talk to the Lord He will without fail lead me in the right direction.  He will give me the answer I need if I will go to Him.  When all else fails ask the Master.

Time Slipping Away

Tonight I was wrestling around with my little ones and the thought hit me..."how much time I have wasted worrying about trivial things".  Yes a clean house, clean clothes, etc...IS important; but how that I have allowed myself to become so frustrated in this area that sometimes I have forgotten to just ENJOY my children.  Sometimes just shoving them out of the way so I can have "ME" time.  The contrast to tonight playing and laughing with them was so glaring!!  As we rolled around on the floor laughing and playing I thought about how much fun I was having. 

I tend to get so caught up in the "The first five years are the most important years of your child's life" complex that I forget to have fun with them, hold them, love on them, play with them.  Instead of trying to make them into perfect little robots I need to just relax and LIVE.  Opportunities to teach them will present themselves.  Life will see to that...the Lord will see to that.  WOW!!!  It's a shame I am just realizing this as my oldest will soon be turning 4.

As I held and prayed with my kids tonight I thought what perfect little jewels I have been given.

My oldest is so loving and craves nothing; but my attention.  Yes this can be exhausting at times; but what an easy thing to give her.  Doesn't require money or some big to do!!  The things that make her happy are when I reach out and grab her hand or take the time to hold her tight.  How precious a gift to be given someone that loves to just be with me.  How fortunate I am to have the chance to love and be loved.

My youngest is loving as well; but instead loves you to play with her.  She loves to wrestle and tickle and read and play.  She also loves to spend time with me; but in a different way.  Setting up the table and playing tea party or dress up or babies makes her face shine with joy.  This also can be something that takes up a lot of my time; but what better use of my time then watching my children grow and learn.  How blessed the Lord has made me to give me someone to play with and learn from.

Tonight as my children sleep in the other room I feel my need ever more to lay down my life for them and my husband.  To put aside my "ideas" about life and just LIVE the wonderful life I have been given.  Help me Lord to take it one day at a time and hold onto the moments I have been given.  Not to stress out about "making" them into good girls; but instead to realize that they "ARE" good girls and take the teaching opportunities as they come.  To understand that my job is to teach, to guide; and to encourage WITH LOVE.  

Was asked at a wedding if I had any advice for the new couple.  I thought to myself YES let me write you a book of all the lessons I have learned from the things I have done wrong in 12 years; but one thing struck me as very important. 

Learn to stop and listen and to be willing to say your sorry when needed.  Try not to discuss things in the heat of the moment.  Give the Lord room to deal with you and try to listen for his leading in any "discussion" you are having. 

Phillip and I are both very hot tempered and sometimes just fly off the handle at each other.  That is when darts are thrown instead of charity being practiced.  We both fail at restraint sometimes (a lot of the time); but are learning that when we really slow down and do our best not to injure each other in the process we get a lot more accomplished.  Things, issues; and misunderstandings can be resolved when both parties are willing to stop and really listen to the words the other person is saying...without injecting our own feelings into the situation. 

When you can admit to each other when you've done something wrong and really trust that they wont use it against you, your walk is so much sweeter :o)  You love each other.  You are both doing your best to serve the Lord.  Sometimes it is easy to be "ALL YOURSELF" with the one you love and you forget that he/she is also your brother/sister in the Lord.  If there is anyone that you are to do your best to show charity with...to practice the things you've been taught on how to treat someone it should be your best friend...your traveling partner...your spouse.

We of course are NOT there yet at all; but we are learning together.    

Walkin' Out of the Valley

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tizwr1BF6mM

Sometimes when you’re in the valley you can get so comfortable that you can’t get out. You may SEE that you’re in the valley, and KNOW that you should get out; but you’ve tried to get out before…you know how hard it is and you just would rather not try.


I know what it is like to live there. You are absolutely miserable and you know because you’ve been taught how to get out of the valley; but you just don’t have the energy anymore to do the work. You are spiritually iron deficient :o)

I recently had some health issues that required some blood work to be done. You see I was having some symptoms that were making me sick and I couldn’t diagnose it on my own so I had to go see the doctor. (Literally; but I am using this experience to get across a spiritual point) The doctor ran several tests to determine what was wrong. A little bit like the candle of the Lord searching out the very inward parts of our soul. When the results came back I was extremely low on iron. He began to explain my symptoms:

Weakness, fatigue, or lack of stamina.

Shortness of breath during exercise.

Headache.

Difficulty concentrating.

Irritability.

Dizziness.

I was shocked to find that this deficiency in one little area had caused all these little symptoms. Who knew that something so simple could make so much of a difference in the way I felt and acted.

(Are you getting the picture yet?)

The same thing can happen to you spiritually. You can be lacking in an area…prayer, fasting, reading, faithfulness etc…and it can have extreme side effects. This is why if you are in the valley sometimes it is just easier to give up. You are lacking in the areas that give you the strength to fight.

What did my doctor prescribe? A supplement that I have to take EVERYDAY to replenish and maintain what I have lost. Eventually my health will be back to normal; but if I fail to maintain my supplements I will be right back in the same condition.

I was sitting and thinking about this today and it occurred to me that you have to DECIDE to do the work. You can’t just say “Oh yes…that is what I need to do and not do it”. My iron will not be assimilated by osmosis…it must be ingested!!

If you turn to the Lord and take that one step…ask Him to help you find the strength you lack…then He will meet you. I just read this today:

Psalm 34:6-7

- This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.

- The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.

Psalm 34:15

- The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.

What does this mean? That if you are trying to do things right the Lord WILL hear you. One thing I keep trying to instill in my girls is that mistakes happen. Our ultimate goal is to no longer make them; but while you are learning they will happen. The key is to be like David and when you have made a mistake, fall on your face before the Lord and repent. Acknowledge what you’ve done and get up.

Several times the Lord pleaded with Israel and told them that if they would repent and TURN from their wicked ways that He would restore them. First we must repent; but then we must turn away from those old habits and desires. If we do that then He has promised to give us more than those things could ever bring. Joy, peace, happiness; and ultimately ETERNAL LIFE!!!

I could give you several examples in my own life where the Lord has dealt with me in a church service, and then blessed me abundantly; but then when I get home I automatically start the same routine. For me it’s not what you call an big bad obvious sin; but it's something that the Lord is asking me to limit my exposure to. He is asking me to quit filling my mind up with things that are not Him.

I testified a couple weeks ago about that little voice inside you that says “No No” when you’re about to do something He doesn’t approve of. It was mentioned about walking in the spirit and I thought how do you do that?? You learn to walk in the spirit by listening to that little voice and obeying it. That voice is the spirit of the Lord trying to direct you, and when you learn to listen and obey that voice (even in the little things that seem silly) you will be walking in the spirit.

Be encouraged and turn your eyes to the Lord. He will help you :o)

Confessions of a Burnt Out Momma with Renewed Conviction

Well...here I am again.  It seems like it has been a long time since I have written anything.  It's not that I didn't have anything to say; but more like I was working on a testimony :o)  Still am.

I wrote a post a while back about trying to juggle...well even as I wrote that post I still was doing my best to maintain everything. 

Recently we went out of town for a week and left our children at home with their grandparents.  Were we ever in for a surprise.  I know that my children are just children; but it seems like the Lord has been magnifying some things for me that are developing in their character.  I feel like He gave us an object lesson so that we can re-evaluate our parenting strategy.  I know that our parents may dispute this; but I was shocked at the way that our children treated them.  They were down right disrespectful at times.  Grant it my children are only 2 and almost 4; but I can see patterns that are developing in them that if we don't start working on, they will shape their very character. 

As I commented on another friends blog I don't want my children to grow up and have no respect for authority. 

Monday a week ago was our first day back with our children and I tell you what...they tested and pushed and then did it some more.  This made for a very difficult week.  We both felt like we were losing a battle with them. 

Sunday night as we drove home from a day at church and dinner with friends I started to talk to Phillip about the things we had been observing.  That day had been especially eye opening.  It seemed that our eldest daughter ignored everything we said or else argued with us consistently every time we told her to do something.  As we were heading to dinner that night she proceeded to explain to us how that we were NOT her boss.  I don't have to tell you that I had to count to 10 (a couple of times) before I could respond.  As we talked I told Phillip that I wasn't sure what to do about it.  I felt like she had absolutely no respect for our authority; and that I was worried if we didn't do something it would only get worse.

By the time we arrived at home I felt like the Lord had given us some direction.  Here is a little of what we will be working on.

1)  CONSISTENCY:

Failure:  We both get tired of telling them the same things over and over and over.  Sometimes it feels like 100 times a day on one thing.  So what do we do...sometimes we just let it slide so we don't have to deal with it.

Result:  We have a child who knows that one if she pushes us enough we will give in and two that if we don't give in this time she can ask again and we will most likely give in the next time.  She learns that what we say doesn't really matter.

Solution:  Stop being lazy and go to work.  We are the parents and nobody ever said it would be easy or fun all the time; but none the less IT IS OUR JOB!!  We chose to have these children now it's up to us to accept our responsibility and do it right.  We are not just raising people; but we are trying to raise Godly children that the Lord can use in His kingdom.


2)  TOO MANY CHANCES:

Failure:  "Go do _____________!!!"  "Did you hear me?"  "So and so, GO do ____________________!!!"  "If you don't do ____________, you're going to get in trouble."  This can go on and on and on.

Result:  We now have a child who knows how to stall for time.  She knows that if she waits us out we will most likely eventually give up.  Later down the road, we have a teenager that when told to do something just stares at us with a blank look on her face or worse yet walks off and ignores what we or any other authority (youth leader, pastor, elder in the church, police, teachers, etc...) has said.  Later on the possibility is that we have an adult who refuses council or instruction from anyone...even the Lord.  Why should they care it's been "THEIR" way all their life. They don't believe in consequences because there were never any there.  Sobering!!

Solution:  Teach them that every act of disobedience or disrespect has a consequence; and then act on that consequence as soon as the offense is committed.  This also ties right in with your consistency.  We have to follow through or our consequences are just empty threats.  I know this is so exhausting at times; but if we fail to do our job right now we will be whining about it later when our children our too old to be taught and we have lost complete control.

Lord help us.

I've added some links to some things I am going to start trying along with the two mentioned above.
They are a chore chart and a discipline chart.  Also, there is an idea I saw somewhere for something that can be used for older children.  It's called a consequence jar.  In it are things that no one likes to do like cleaning baseboards, cleaning the toilet, shining the silverware, pulling weeds...etc... To me it sounded like a really neat idea.  It shows them that they are ultimately in control of whether not they behave; and that there WILL be a consequence for every offense even if they are too big to spank .  If they commit an offense then they must go and pick their own consequence.  That's just a little food for thought.  I may even try this on my oldest with things that she can do.  So far I am in search of the thing that works for her.

Also, if you have any suggestions or comments on this subject I would greatly appreciate it.  I am trying to find the Lord's guidance for us in this area right now and welcome any heavenly inspired advice :o)

Hope the following links are useful to you.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/radio.aspx?ID={D90864D9-EE84-45C9-83BD-6438D293F001}

http://www.parentingministry.org/component/content/article/14-main-menu/150-parenting-is-a-ministry-video

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2011/01/chore-chart-cards.html

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2011/05/chore-chart-discipline-cards.html

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2010/02/super-mom-vs-abiding-mom.html

Take it to the Lord in Prayer

Today as I was going over some things in my mind and I kept coming back to the thought...

"Lord, I just don't know what to do..."

Over and over and over!!!

As I was sitting there this thought crossed my mind...

"Take it to the Lord in prayer."

I thought yes, that is what I need to do.  Our services lately have hinted at our need to really pray for our circumstances.  This is something I struggle with.  Not really with having to pray; but for remembering that it is necessary.  A lot of times I take it for granted that if I take my hands off a situation that the Lord will just take care of it.  For the most part this is true...we are to have that kind of trust in Him to take care of our situations.  He will meet ALL our needs so we don't have to worry; but I think that sometimes He does want us to pray for our situation. 

He will take care of us.  He will have His will.  He will lead and guide us.  We never have to question this; but what if the prayer is for us.  I thought about when we pray and take our burdens to Him what do we receive in return??  Peace...comfort...joy...all of these come through prayer.  The Lord doesn't necessarily "need" for us to tell Him what we need; but I think that when we take it to the Lord it helps us relinquish control of that situation and really give it to Him.  Lord help me let you have my burdens and stop trying to carry them all on my own.  Your shoulders are so much stronger than mine. 

I have been singing this all day after having this experience and the words ring so true to me...   

It was funny...as I was giving the girls a bath tonight my oldest daughter began singing a little song she learned in VBS this week...

"Count your blessings name them one by one.
Count your blessings see what God has done.
Count your blessings
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings see what God has done."

Out of the mouth of babes...thank you Lord :o)

A Lesson in Communication

Tonight as we were sitting in church I leaned over and asked Sophia if she would like to go sit with her Mamaw Perry who was seated in the row in front of us.

She nodded yes and smiled so I put her down.  As she walked to her I was looking down writing in my notebook...

When I looked up she was making her way to the front of the church.  I sat rather stunned trying to figure out what she was doing.  I called her name and she did NOT stop.  She walked quietly up to the platform where my father was sitting on the FRONT ROW and climbed up into his lap.  I know for sure that my face was the same color as the pews!!!! 

It struck me as very funny because most of the men on the platform were in dark colored suits and there she sat like a sore thumb in her bright salmon colored dress with bright green furry socks.  Pretty as a princess. 

In her mind I guess she was going to her Papaw and I thought she was going to her Mamaw.  I had apparently given her permission without realizing it.  LOL!!!  Oh well...you live and learn. 

I learned tonight that is VERY important when dealing with someone that you make sure you are on the same page...or else they may just go wondering off to your amazement :o)

Preparing Your Spirit for your MAN

http://www.parentingmiracles.net/2011/06/preparing-myself-to-honor-my-husband/


A few thoughts on this article...

I agree with all the things she lists; but I thought of one more...

I have to prepare my spirit to meet my husband...

What do I mean by this?  Well some days you have really BAD days.  Who do you want to share those things with???  Your best friend.  Your husband. 

It would be so easy when he walks in the door ( I really have to work on this one) to unload all that baggage we have been carrying all day on him so that I can feel better; but how is that fair?  After all...he has come home with his own baggage too.  

When my husband came home last night we both had really bad days.  Me because of myself; but his day was filled with problems at work.  When he walked in I said "hey babe".  The kids hugged him and then he sat down on the floor and played with them.  I asked him how his day went and I could tell by his answers that he really didn't want to talk about it.  I left him to play with the girls and went about fixing dinner.  I noticed that how having him home...get this...made me feel so much happier than I had been all day.  (If you follow my blog you know that this is major growth :o)  I didn't unload all my junk and he left his outside the door and we had a really pleasant evening.  He didn't enter into a home full of chaos; but a home that welcomed him in.  Whispered softly..."sit down, take your shoes off; RELAX"!!

I know that we are to be able to share everything with each other...and I feel that we can; but sometimes you just need to leave it all outside your house and enjoy being.

On those days that I have really BAD days it would do me well to take some time before he comes home to prepare my spirit for him.  Analyze all the "drama" I have had and leave what is not important unsaid.  He doesn't have to know EVERY TIME I yelled at the kids or put them in time out through the day.  He NEEDS to know that even though we both have had long days that he can sit down on the couch and feel peace.  After all the hustle and bustle of the day the only thing he wants to do is be with us.

Take a little time out today before your man gets home and prepare your spirit to greet him.  It may require a little prayer sometimes; but it will make your home a lot more peaceful.  After all one of the things I try to remember (and fail at a lot) is that YOU control the atmosphere in your home.  YOU are there day in and day out.  YOU have a chance to choose war or peace!! 

Lord help me to choose peace!! 

A New Attitude

When my husband and I first got married I was a master juggler.  Or so I thought.  I could easily...with one hand...juggle husband, church commitments, work; and me time.  Even when we had our first child she easily just fit right into my plan.  When my second child came along I thought that life would continue as "planned".  Slowly over the last two years each one of these things I was juggling has dropped to the ground.  As I stood there dumbfounded...my hands dropped at my side...head down...and just plain spent I began to ask the Lord what is wrong with me.  I used to have it all together.  I was a decent wife (sometimes), very faithful to my church commitments, made a little money; and still had time to focus on my own salvation.  And that was all just 4 years ago.  For the last few months I have been trying my very best to do it all!!  I would pick up my juggling props (all of them) and try to juggle...I would get them in the air for a bit; but shortly they would all come crashing down again.  Over and over and over.  What I have realized is that the Lord is trying His best to get me to change my thinking.  Instead of trying to do it all and accomplishing nothing He is asking me to focus on one at a time.  This process has been very hard for me because I LOVE to be involved in everything.  I love to be right at the center of what is going on.  Especially at church.  It is after all my life; but now all those subtle hints that the Lord has been giving me are now screaming...accompanied by a big brass band..."GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER"!!!!  I don't think He wants me to quit church of course or even not to help out when I can; but I do feel like He is asking me not to fall into the deep pit of depression I have been living in because I can't do all and be all to everyone.  I have been so burdened and heart broken with this because I don't want to disappoint anyone.  I am the ultimate people pleaser :o); but I feel like right now I am not pleasing the one person I should be worrying about.  The Lord.  In my life I would like to say YES to the Lord.  I would like to (and I have given this example before) stand on the edge of the pool...with my back facing the water...stretch my arms out to the side...close my eyes...and slowly lay back and let the Lord take control.  If He chooses to drown me well I guess He has that right...He is God; but if He instead teaches me how to swim...woooooo...halleluia...then someday maybe, I can soar with the eagles!!!

A Life in Perspective

Ever feel like your life is held out in front of you and after you've had it inspected it is handed back to you for you to view with a whole new perspective.  I felt like today that happened to me. 

I got the rare opportunity to sit with a group of women from all different types of lives and just talk.  I did a lot of listening because I felt like the Lord had ordered our conversation. 

Sometimes in your life the devil, the flesh, your own mind whatever you want to call it can take a situation and magnify one small part of it in order to change your focus.  You can zoom in on one thing and begin your very own pity party.  Which unfortunately I am very good at doing.  I get so sidetracked sometimes it takes a miracle to straighten me out. 

I have spent the last week in this predicament. 

I even decided that I was going to quit.  In fact Sunday night I sat in a pew in church and thought to myself ... today is the day that I quit.  I am tired of trying to keep my spirit right and treat people right with no results.  Sooo...if you were in our service Sunday night you know that the first person who got up and talked basically tried my case.  I knew the Lord was talking to me.  

I still had lived in this state for a whole week and the feeling has been hard to shake. 

As I arrived today to eat with my family I really was trying to have a good time; but the "whoa is me's" kept looming over me.  Some things, I do have a reason to be concerned about; but there is nothing I can do about them so going over and over them just isn't doing me any good.

As I sat and listened to the conversation I actually began to feel the Lord deal with my "subject".  Just in the things being talked about.  As it progressed I got a candid look into a life that I know if I had to live I would fail miserably.  As she talked you could feel her sincerity in trying to find the Lord in her situation and to do things right.  She wants to learn everything the Lord is trying to teach her in her situation and is really seeking the Lord to lead her.  Most people would look at her situation and would give her advice to give up and walk away; but the Lord for now is asking her to treat him right.  To allow the situation to work out in her what it needs too.  I felt that I had not just heard a sermon loud and clear; but experienced one.  For a moment I stepped outside of my pity party and stepped into a moment where she even has the "right" to have a pity party; but instead is choosing to find the Lord in it.  I felt like the Lord was telling me to get up off my "spoiled rotten brat behind" and go to work.  I am nowhere near her situation and she has a much better spirit than I do.  Even though my concerns are legitimate they are nothing in comparison.  Instead of worrying about it so much I need to give it to the Lord.  EVERYDAY!!!  If I quit then all the work I have done up till now is for nothing.  Instead of trying to carry all these burdens it is time to give them to the Lord and let Him worry about them.  I just need to keep my mouth shut (will make me a perfect overcomer for sure :o) and take it one step at a time.

A lot of the times I spend my time looking at the long term so much that I miss out on the right now.  I over analyze everything.  How will what I do now affect my kids 10, 20, 30 years from now?  In some respects that is good; but where it becomes detrimental is to spend all my time WORRYING about the future.  If I take it one step at a time the future will take care of itself...better yet the LORD will take care of it.

I feel like the Lord took the time to give me a little lesson on humility today and I am thankful.
Lord help me to listen to the pillow and not require a 2 x 4.

Confirmation

I have 3 million other things that I need to be doing right now; but I wanted to write this down while it was still fresh. 

For the last 5 or 6 years we have worked in the CD department at our church.  When we had children it became to much for us and I began praying for the Lord to send us someone.  I have felt more and more I am needed at home in this season of my life.  (Love that phrase...season of life.)  In the last year this has happened and as of now we are no longer over that department.  Even with all the confirmations we received from the Lord you still wonder if you are letting the Lord down in some way.  

Today I was in the midst of writing my letter of resignation to our subscribers and just as I hit the send button my daughter (Maya) takes off her diaper and begins to play in it.  It was number two!!! 

I hit send and began to prepare her for her bath.  I was filling up the tub with water and I started laughing to myself.   Ok Lord, thank you for letting me know I am in your perfect will in this.  No more doubts or musings over it!!  I believe that was the last bit of "confirmation" I needed!!!  LOL!!!!

Working the Road

One of the single most important pieces of advise I have been given lately came in a discussion we had a few weeks ago. 

"Remember that when your children are gone you will still be married."

About a year ago the Lord really began dealing with me to work on my relationship with my husband.  It was funny because He had to get me into that position to where I realized that I NEEDED to work on it.  Sad I know; but really I think I had all my priorities backwards.  I was a 1st a child of God, 2nd a mom; and 3rdly a wife.  Phillip often got pushed to the side.  After all I was fighting for my salvation and the training of my children.  :-(  Now looking back after about a year of hard lessons I wonder why I couldn't see this before.  What was it that was blocking my vision.  Being a child of God and striving for the Bride IS important.  Being a mom and trying to raise Godly children IS important; but when did I forget that being a Godly wife and a help meet to my husband was also just as important.  After all we are on this road to salvation together.  We are raising OUR children together.  We are in this marriage TOGETHER. 

I don't want you to think that we were on the road to divorce; but I do believe that if I had continued on the path that I was on that we may very well have ended up there.  I was hurting my husband.  How you ask...my looks, my comments to others, by me saying  "you always do ____"; and the list goes on.  I feel like the Lord led me to the 30 challenge I talk about on here.  I believe that was a turning point for me.  I watched as my whole perspective changed.  As I began to refrain from those looks, words, accusations I watched our relationship change.  I am not saying that now we have this perfect relationship because that is not true; but I am learning.  I am learning to put my husband in the place he deserves.  He deserves my respect and honor.  If for no other reason; but because he puts up with me.  I am learning that when I talk down to him; or about him to others it cuts away at that relationship I am trying to build.  Even if I am disappointed I am supposed to build him up not tear him down.  How do I feel when the tables are turned?  Do I like to be belittled or to have all my faults laid out on the table?  Does it make me feel good to know that my husband is disappointed in me?  No, so why would I want to make my husband feel that way?  Why would I want him to feel less than he is?  Our words are so much more powerful than we know.  (Proverbs 18:21  "Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.") Through this process I have learned to look at my husband differently. 

I told a story to a friend of mine the other night...

When I began to look at Phillip as a possible soul mate I was attracted to him because of who he was.  A strong, confident; loving young man.  A man full of life and who had a special light in his eyes.  I always made the statement that if he ever became a mousy little man who let me walk all over him then I wouldn't even look his direction!!  I didn't want to be married to a man who walked around defeated all the time.  I told her that after 11 and a half years of marriage I almost saw that light disappear.  After years of railings from me I could have lost the qualities that I fell in love with.  Thank the Lord that He opened my eyes before it was too late.  Now I am working on repairing that trust.  That confidence that he once had in me.  (Proverbs 31:11 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.")  I fail...often; but I haven't given up.  I want to be a strong Godly wife for my strong Godly man!!  I want him to call me blessed.  I want him to be known not because of the embarrasement his wife causes him; but for the good that he has done.  (Proverbs 31:23  "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.")

I just had a thought...one of my biggest hurdles is putting my trust in my husband as a leader.  I know this sounds horrible; but I felt like sometimes I know what's best.  We were arguing one night and he said "it alwyas has to be Davita's way".  I of course denied it; but deep down I knew that was true.  He in a few words told me that I didn't respect his position as man of the house.  I didn't.  I felt awful.  I began to ask myself how do I change that?  After so long (over 11 years) of thinking one way, how do I change that?  The answer sounds really simple...you have to trust God to lead your husband.  Ultimately you have to take your worries and concerns to the Lord and trust HIM to take control.  Whew...easier said than done I think!!  I don't think that voicing your opinion is wrong if it is done in love and if he knows that in the end I will respct his decision.  Up until now that is not how I have been doing things. Shame on me; but I am learning with the Lord's help.  I want to put him in his GOD GIVEN place and learn to be content with that.  That has to be learned.  (Titus 2:4 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children...")  You would think that these things come with being a woman; but they don't.  Our nature is what comes with being a woman!!  :o) 

The 30 day challenge helps you to look at your husbands good qualities and not the bad.  It changes your focus.  In a round about way by looking and focusing on the good things about your husband it gives you the confidence to actually put your faith and trust in him.

I so appreciate the Lord for taking the time to lead me and expose the areas in my life that need fine tuning.  The process by no means is easy and at times very painful; but I am thankful that He doesn't leave us in the condition we are in.  He lifts us up out of the filth that we are in, dusts us off; and gives us the grace to change.

So as I continue to work on my relationship with my husband and my children I know that I am doing the will of the Lord.  I am doing exactly what he has called me to do right now.  He has called me first to be a helpmeet,  and second to be a mother; and by doing these things to the very best of my ability I am serving Him as a child of God.      

One of those days that makes you say...Whew!!

Today was one of those days that never had a chance.  Fought my youngest to go to sleep for an hour last night.  When she finally made it to sleep my oldest woke up every hour almost asking for me to wipe her nose.  To top it off my youngest decides to wake me up at 5 am screaming to get out of her room.  When it was finally my "official" time to get up I was already in the throws of a major melt down!!  In my mind I was asking the Lord for help.  I knew already that if I didn't get a handle on this day then it was just going to spiral me into a complete oblivion. 

I was standing at the sink singing:

"I need just a little more mercy than you gave me yesterday.
Just a little more strength the battles a little bit harder today.
I need a bit more of that water of life to keep my soul alive.
I want to be ready I want to be in your Bride."

I got up and began moving around and preparing for the day.  I sat down on the couch exhausted beyond belief and decided that I could not stay in this house.  If I did I was going to lose it completely.  I needed a distraction for a little while.  I needed fabric softener and some stuff for the girls' Easter outfits so I headed to the store.  There my 2 children proceeded to each have their own little melt downs resulting in me screaming at both of them the moment we got back into the car.  Not a good day and it was only noon.  When I began to put them to bed my youngest begins screaming.  This is a new habit she has formed in the last 3 days.  Last night she literally screamed so hard she puked!!  So for nap today she starts all this over again.  I had absolutely no patience left.  I had left it all in "yesterday" and it hadn't caught up with "today".  I started screaming at the top of my lungs "JESUS I NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW"!!!  I didn't know what else to do.  All I knew was that if I didn't get help I was going to put my head through a wall (not literally of course that's just how I felt).  They stopped screaming and so I went to my knees in their room and started praying (a little calmer now).  I was asking the Lord to help my youngest feel peace in her room so that she could sleep and that He would let me calm down and see it from a different perspective.  By the end I still had to be firm with her to get her to lay down; but she has now been asleep for about an hour and a half.  I realized it as I sat here that I could feel "my crazy" melting away.  That's what I call this feeling that sometimes comes out.  I say "oops...my crazy is showing".  N-e-ways, I am thankful that even in the midst of desperation He is there.  He hears me and answers.  I still have to learn to control my crazy; but He is right there to help when I need Him.

I have been singing "Heaven is not so far away" all week and I am learning that that is true.  I can change my elevation in the midst of situations by calling on the Lord.  I hope to remember this in situations to come.  At His name every knee shall bow!!!!        

Halleluia Praise Report!!!

A few weeks ago I gave a testimony in church about how that the Lord had delivered me from the anger and bitterness I had allowed into my heart towards my husband.  This was a humiliating thing to admit; but the Lord really did something for me. 

It had gotten to the point that before Phillip would even walk into the room I could feel it taking over.  I couldn't even speak to him civilly; and my children were even being affected by my anger.  They were learning my ways.  Lord help me!!  One Sunday night I felt like I was losing my mind as well as any salvation I had left.  I had absolutely no control over myself or my emotions.  It was horrible.  Bro. Robert Seaton got up and began talking about how that he felt that the Lord wanted to touch us.  He said that in order for us to be touched we must get rid of our PRIDE, SELFISHNESS; and ARROGANCE.  These are the 3 things the Lord had been dealing with me about. 

Pride - to proud to walk down front for help

Selfishness - By holding onto this (out of pride) and not seeking help for the benefit of my family.  They were suffering because of my pride.

Arrogance - By thinking that this could NOT happen to me.

I had reached the point that it did not matter what happened that I had to get help.  If I didn't I was going to destroy my family.  He made the altar call and I stepped out into the aisle.  We went down as a family.  We went down for ME.  I needed help!!
Needless to say that by the time I got to the end of the prayer line I had been delivered.

I told you the background so that you would understand the victory part better =) 

One of the things that I had been so angry about was Phillip not being able to be at church with me.  Once again not thinking of him; but my own selfishness I would get so mad because I had to go ALONE.  That is the key word.  I felt alone.  I feel like this is where the devil started talking to me.  I failed to realize that Phillip hated it to.  He didn't WANT to go to work and miss church; but he has no choice.  He hates missing church just as much if not more than I hate him not being there.  For now he is right where the Lord wants him and in this economy I am just really thankful that he has a job.  I don't know what I was thinking. 

This Sunday night I feel like the Lord tested me on this a bit.  Well maybe not the Lord, I don't know; but the whole service was on marriage.  It was really a neat little service.  Very straight forward in a lot of ways; but very needed too!!  Phillip had to work so he had to miss it.  At the end of this service all the married couples gathered down front and sang the song "At the End of the Trail" to each other while they held hands.  It really was very sweet. 

As I was watching them I felt that feeling of sadness (subtle...not full blown anger as before) as I watched them and thought "I sure wish Phillip was here".  As soon as that thought crossed my mind I pushed it away and thought "He's not here; but my heart is there with him.  Lord touch him.  Let him feel you right now".   I almost started crying.  Well I am now as I write this.  I feel the Holy Ghost backing me up.  I had an opportunity to allow that anger and bitterness back into my life; but the Lord created a way of escape for me once again.  Instead I prayed for him.  Phillip may not physically be there with me; but I know without a shadow of doubt that his heart is there.  He would much rather be sitting beside me in church than working with a bunch of worldly men.  =o) 

As I was driving home in my mind I held Phillip's hands and told him I love him and I am so thankful that he puts his own needs and wants aside for our family.  How can I not do the same?  How can I not lay down my life for my friend...my best friend. 

This is my shout of VICTORY!!!! 

Crushing of the Rose

It takes the crushing of the rose…


Someone visited our church a while back and talked about that song; and as I laid here in bed tonight thinking about it I decided I couldn’t sleep, so here I am.

I know in my own life as well as some of those of you I have talked to personally the Lord seems to be giving us a little special attention. It seems like the Lord is down on His hands and knees and really working in our garden. I know that in me He is rooting out some things that have been there for years. Some that exist and we have been completely unaware of. I’m talking about things that have shaped the way we think, act; and feel. Things that have been so much a part of our nature that when they are gone you are surprised at how different you feel. Those things.

I remember hearing a local minster here talking one night about walls; and how that we can even build walls of protection around us so that we prevent the Lord from working on us. I remember him saying that we think because nothing is going major wrong in our lives that we’re doing alright; but in truth we are going nowhere. That really struck home with me. (song – Lord My Heart Is Open…has a whole new meaning) That you even have to open yourself up and say “Ok Lord, try me. I want to be clean”. Then when He starts that process we have to resist the temptation to hide behind those walls again. We have to hold ourselves onto the Potter’s Wheel. Bro. Brown often says we need to say that eternal yes and I wonder if maybe this is part of it. Yes Lord. It is often said that the Lord is a gentleman and He stands at the door and knocks. He does have the power to knock down that door if He chooses; but He chooses to leave that decision up to us. Will we open the door and let Him in to look around number one and then allow Him to ultimately clean house?

As I was thinking about these things I thought about my own life recently. I know that the Lord has been rooting out things. This is a tough process, as one who has lived behind walls for so long it is hard not to run for them at every opportunity. I can even name my walls I’ve lived behind them so long. =0) In my mind I understand that this is a process and that it is necessary; but to my heart, my emotions, my feelings I still cry OUCH!!! I think for me it is harder to nail myself to the cross. I am the one who has her legs and one hand nailed with the other hand free…just in case. Lord help me.

We may not know why the Lord has allowed things to happen or feelings to surface; but have faith that the LORD knows what He’s doing. If you let Him have complete control we will understand it better bye and bye. Go to Him. Let Him have His way. Just think when that root is gone out of your soil the Lord can go back and fill it up with good ground. All you will have lost will be the weed.

Don't know who wrote this; but I love the words:

"Hold on. Hold on.

Through every storm HOLD ON.

Even in the Darkest night

We walk by faith and not by sight.

Hold on. Hold on."

Stagnant

Stagnant - You can be happy and thankful for where you are; but in order to not become stagnant you must keep pressing for more. Be content; but not to the extent that you no longer want more of Him.


"I'm gonna keep on working till He comes till He comes..."

That was my thought for the day.

PRESS ON toward the mark.

Sometimes it's ...a fight; but it's never a game.