One of the single most important pieces of advise I have been given lately came in a discussion we had a few weeks ago.
"Remember that when your children are gone you will still be married."
About a year ago the Lord really began dealing with me to work on my relationship with my husband. It was funny because He had to get me into that position to where I realized that I NEEDED to work on it. Sad I know; but really I think I had all my priorities backwards. I was a 1st a child of God, 2nd a mom; and 3rdly a wife. Phillip often got pushed to the side. After all I was fighting for my salvation and the training of my children. :-( Now looking back after about a year of hard lessons I wonder why I couldn't see this before. What was it that was blocking my vision. Being a child of God and striving for the Bride IS important. Being a mom and trying to raise Godly children IS important; but when did I forget that being a Godly wife and a help meet to my husband was also just as important. After all we are on this road to salvation together. We are raising OUR children together. We are in this marriage TOGETHER.
I don't want you to think that we were on the road to divorce; but I do believe that if I had continued on the path that I was on that we may very well have ended up there. I was hurting my husband. How you ask...my looks, my comments to others, by me saying "you always do ____"; and the list goes on. I feel like the Lord led me to the 30 challenge I talk about on here. I believe that was a turning point for me. I watched as my whole perspective changed. As I began to refrain from those looks, words, accusations I watched our relationship change. I am not saying that now we have this perfect relationship because that is not true; but I am learning. I am learning to put my husband in the place he deserves. He deserves my respect and honor. If for no other reason; but because he puts up with me. I am learning that when I talk down to him; or about him to others it cuts away at that relationship I am trying to build. Even if I am disappointed I am supposed to build him up not tear him down. How do I feel when the tables are turned? Do I like to be belittled or to have all my faults laid out on the table? Does it make me feel good to know that my husband is disappointed in me? No, so why would I want to make my husband feel that way? Why would I want him to feel less than he is? Our words are so much more powerful than we know. (Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.") Through this process I have learned to look at my husband differently.
I told a story to a friend of mine the other night...
When I began to look at Phillip as a possible soul mate I was attracted to him because of who he was. A strong, confident; loving young man. A man full of life and who had a special light in his eyes. I always made the statement that if he ever became a mousy little man who let me walk all over him then I wouldn't even look his direction!! I didn't want to be married to a man who walked around defeated all the time. I told her that after 11 and a half years of marriage I almost saw that light disappear. After years of railings from me I could have lost the qualities that I fell in love with. Thank the Lord that He opened my eyes before it was too late. Now I am working on repairing that trust. That confidence that he once had in me. (Proverbs 31:11 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.") I fail...often; but I haven't given up. I want to be a strong Godly wife for my strong Godly man!! I want him to call me blessed. I want him to be known not because of the embarrasement his wife causes him; but for the good that he has done. (Proverbs 31:23 "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.")
I just had a thought...one of my biggest hurdles is putting my trust in my husband as a leader. I know this sounds horrible; but I felt like sometimes I know what's best. We were arguing one night and he said "it alwyas has to be Davita's way". I of course denied it; but deep down I knew that was true. He in a few words told me that I didn't respect his position as man of the house. I didn't. I felt awful. I began to ask myself how do I change that? After so long (over 11 years) of thinking one way, how do I change that? The answer sounds really simple...you have to trust God to lead your husband. Ultimately you have to take your worries and concerns to the Lord and trust HIM to take control. Whew...easier said than done I think!! I don't think that voicing your opinion is wrong if it is done in love and if he knows that in the end I will respct his decision. Up until now that is not how I have been doing things. Shame on me; but I am learning with the Lord's help. I want to put him in his GOD GIVEN place and learn to be content with that. That has to be learned. (Titus 2:4 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children...") You would think that these things come with being a woman; but they don't. Our nature is what comes with being a woman!! :o)
The 30 day challenge helps you to look at your husbands good qualities and not the bad. It changes your focus. In a round about way by looking and focusing on the good things about your husband it gives you the confidence to actually put your faith and trust in him.
I so appreciate the Lord for taking the time to lead me and expose the areas in my life that need fine tuning. The process by no means is easy and at times very painful; but I am thankful that He doesn't leave us in the condition we are in. He lifts us up out of the filth that we are in, dusts us off; and gives us the grace to change.
So as I continue to work on my relationship with my husband and my children I know that I am doing the will of the Lord. I am doing exactly what he has called me to do right now. He has called me first to be a helpmeet, and second to be a mother; and by doing these things to the very best of my ability I am serving Him as a child of God.
Showing posts with label 30 Day Challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Day Challenge. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
An end of a Challenge
Well, my 30 days have ended and I can say that my life has truly been changed. This has changed the way I speak and even the way I think. I actually think about the things that come out of my mouth. Even if I don't always catch them before they fly out I do evaluate them afterward. I am learning and am so thankful that the Lord led me to try this little challenge. I think I may do it again just for fun!! =D
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Knight in Shining Armor
Today's 30 - Day Challenge
"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24)
You have almost completed the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge." Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of ecouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared.
There are lots of "tough guys" in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the Enemy?
Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from "waiting" on the Lord for His strength. If your budget allows, "award" your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Praise evidences of your husband's courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home.
^ I had a hard time figuring out how to do this and make it fit me; but this is how I did it.
I bought this little knight figurine and then looked up the definition of knight. I then put this letter and the knight in a box with a bow and gave it to him.
He actually thought it was really sweet. =0)
Dear Phillip,
I know this gift is a little odd; but it does have a purpose.
By definition – a KNIGHT is:
- a member of the warrior class (strong, mighty, powerful)
- holds a position of honor and prestige (In our family you hold the highest position, the head of our home; and we respect you as such. You are loved and honored by us.)
- sworn to uphold values (you daily show us your love, loyalty, courage; and your commitment to our family.)
- servant (you daily lay down your own wants, desires, hopes, and dreams to make sure we have all that we need.)
You by definition are a knight!!
You are our knight in shining armor and we…I love you with all my heart.
"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24)
You have almost completed the "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge." Perhaps it has taken you a tremendous amount of courage to speak words of ecouragement consistently to your husband. Courage comes as we place our trust in God. Have faith that God will continue to work long after your encouraging words have been shared.
There are lots of "tough guys" in the world, but true courage comes from the Lord. Does your husband exhibit the courage to take an unpopular stand, perhaps even to stand alone against evil? Is he courageous in his faith? Does he work hard to change injustice? Is he a stickler for the truth? Does he protect you or your family from the attacks of the Enemy?
Psalm 27:14 says this kind of courage comes from "waiting" on the Lord for His strength. If your budget allows, "award" your husband with a medal, trophy, framed picture of a brave knight, or some other token that represents his courage as a man of God. Praise evidences of your husband's courage in protecting you, your marriage, your family, or your home.
^ I had a hard time figuring out how to do this and make it fit me; but this is how I did it.
I bought this little knight figurine and then looked up the definition of knight. I then put this letter and the knight in a box with a bow and gave it to him.
He actually thought it was really sweet. =0)
I know this gift is a little odd; but it does have a purpose.
By definition – a KNIGHT is:
- a member of the warrior class (strong, mighty, powerful)
- holds a position of honor and prestige (In our family you hold the highest position, the head of our home; and we respect you as such. You are loved and honored by us.)
- sworn to uphold values (you daily show us your love, loyalty, courage; and your commitment to our family.)
- servant (you daily lay down your own wants, desires, hopes, and dreams to make sure we have all that we need.)
You by definition are a knight!!
You are our knight in shining armor and we…I love you with all my heart.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Radio Feed - 30 Day Challenge
If you haven't already signed up to do this here is the radio spot of them talking about it. It is wonderful. This challenge has been amazing. It is like we are dating again. And all it took was me commiting to make him feel respected. Thank you Lord for the wonderful man you have given me. Thank you for leading me to this challenge.
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10760
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10760
Saturday, February 19, 2011
His Heart Doth Safely Trust
Pro 31:11 -12
-The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
-She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Yesterday this scripture kept going over and over in my mind until I had to go look it up. As I read it I began to think about what it really was saying.
IF the wife will treat her husband well and not evil...then her husband will feel safe enough to give her his whole heart.
His whole heart. His whole devotion. His whole faithfulness. He wont have any need to fill that part of his heart with anything other than you!!
One reason that a husband may feel afraid to give us his whole heart is because maybe he has done that in the past (maybe more than once) and has lived to regret it. Maybe (for lack of a better example) he has said to himself "one more time" and handed you his heart and you promptly placed it into a meat grinder. I can say this because I have done this over and over myself. I have apologized, to only turn around and do the same things again. I know that there will be times that mistakes will come; but at the same time I have to actually be TRYING not to make them.
I feel like this scripture was talking to me. For so long I have griped and griped about wanting that whole hearted perfect relationship when in truth I WAS THE ONE preventing that very thing from happening. Could it be possible that I was sabotaging myself??? I think so.
If every time my husband gives me his heart I spend the next day, month, year picking the rest of him apart what's to stop him from taking his heart back; and worse yet someday giving up completely and giving his heart to someone else? Wow, that's a sobering thought!! I don't want my husband to feel safe with anyone; but me. I want to be the one that he gives his whole self to. Next to the Lord I WANT TO BE THE ONE!! I want him to feel safe with me. I want him to be able to trust me in everything. I want him to KNOW that I will stand beside him forever. If I want him to be the head of our home then I have let him know that I will follow!!!
I know that this is sobering; but the Lord is really working in our home and for that I am so thankful. A while back the Lord dealt with me that the greatest calling (regardless of what I do for the church) I have been given right now is to be the keeper of our home. It is my responsibility to keep the bad out and fill it with the good. I asked the Lord to help me with this and I feel that He is. By no means has this been an easy thing, and it has stirred up all kinds of things; but I really firmly believe that the Lord is cleaning house. The Lord is moving His church on and He is starting individually.
-The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
-She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Yesterday this scripture kept going over and over in my mind until I had to go look it up. As I read it I began to think about what it really was saying.
IF the wife will treat her husband well and not evil...then her husband will feel safe enough to give her his whole heart.
His whole heart. His whole devotion. His whole faithfulness. He wont have any need to fill that part of his heart with anything other than you!!
One reason that a husband may feel afraid to give us his whole heart is because maybe he has done that in the past (maybe more than once) and has lived to regret it. Maybe (for lack of a better example) he has said to himself "one more time" and handed you his heart and you promptly placed it into a meat grinder. I can say this because I have done this over and over myself. I have apologized, to only turn around and do the same things again. I know that there will be times that mistakes will come; but at the same time I have to actually be TRYING not to make them.
I feel like this scripture was talking to me. For so long I have griped and griped about wanting that whole hearted perfect relationship when in truth I WAS THE ONE preventing that very thing from happening. Could it be possible that I was sabotaging myself??? I think so.
If every time my husband gives me his heart I spend the next day, month, year picking the rest of him apart what's to stop him from taking his heart back; and worse yet someday giving up completely and giving his heart to someone else? Wow, that's a sobering thought!! I don't want my husband to feel safe with anyone; but me. I want to be the one that he gives his whole self to. Next to the Lord I WANT TO BE THE ONE!! I want him to feel safe with me. I want him to be able to trust me in everything. I want him to KNOW that I will stand beside him forever. If I want him to be the head of our home then I have let him know that I will follow!!!
I know that this is sobering; but the Lord is really working in our home and for that I am so thankful. A while back the Lord dealt with me that the greatest calling (regardless of what I do for the church) I have been given right now is to be the keeper of our home. It is my responsibility to keep the bad out and fill it with the good. I asked the Lord to help me with this and I feel that He is. By no means has this been an easy thing, and it has stirred up all kinds of things; but I really firmly believe that the Lord is cleaning house. The Lord is moving His church on and He is starting individually.
Day 9 - Husband Encouragement Challenge
Well it is only day 9 of this challenge and I must admit that this has been a really eye-opening experience. By doing my best to not say negative things and take more time to say positive things to my husband I have seen a real difference in our home. Not just on his part; but mainly on my part.
His part - He seems a lot happier and more smiley (if that makes any sense).
We have done a lot of laughing together and this may seem sad; but it is just the truth...when you have built a relationship on negative communication it actually feels weird to be...happy. I feel like we are learning each other all over again. Learning how to say nice things to each other and not hurtful. We are having fun doing things FOR THE OTHER PERSON.
My part - I believe that by spending more time looking for things I can compliment him on it has taken my focus off all the little annoying things. Which in turn has made me much happier. Instead of looking at the dark negative things I feel like I have been shown the light!!
It is funny how something as simple as this challenge could have such a great impact on our home. Can't wait to see what else this month holds for us. Praise the Lord!!!
His part - He seems a lot happier and more smiley (if that makes any sense).
We have done a lot of laughing together and this may seem sad; but it is just the truth...when you have built a relationship on negative communication it actually feels weird to be...happy. I feel like we are learning each other all over again. Learning how to say nice things to each other and not hurtful. We are having fun doing things FOR THE OTHER PERSON.
My part - I believe that by spending more time looking for things I can compliment him on it has taken my focus off all the little annoying things. Which in turn has made me much happier. Instead of looking at the dark negative things I feel like I have been shown the light!!
It is funny how something as simple as this challenge could have such a great impact on our home. Can't wait to see what else this month holds for us. Praise the Lord!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day 5 - 30 Day Challenge
I signed up for a 30 Day Encourage Your Husband Challenge and today's assignment was to tell my parents and his how I feel about my husband. This is something surprisingly hard and embarrassing for me to do. I am fine sharing how I feel about most things; but this seems to be so private it's intimidating. I do however want to do this challenge whole heartily so here goes.
When I was a little girl I always imagined being married and having my own family. Like most little girls I had it all planned out. I can already see in my daughters this natural wifely and motherly instinct taking hold. It is funny how that we fall in love with the idea of being a wife and mommy before really knowing what all that will entail.
When Phillip was 11 he moved to Houston, TX. From the first moment I saw him I knew that he was the man/boy for me. Some say that at that age you can't possibly know; but I did. As our lives went on I dated others; but always would come back to Phillip. None could compare. He was the one!!
When we got married I was in love with the idea of love. I knew that I loved Phillip and that I wanted to spend my life with him; but I had no idea what a wife was supposed to be and I will readily admit that for the last 11 years he has put up with a lot. He has never left...physically or mentally. He has a lot more patience and mercy than I have ever thought about having. He truly LOVES me.
Phillip is a GREAT provider. He willingly sacrifices his wants and even his needs to give everything he has to me and our two girls. He gives his time, his body; and every last cent of his money to make a life for us that he feels we deserve. I hope that one day I will actually DESERVE it.
Phillip is a FANTASTIC father. He loves his children more than life itself and would lay down his life if it was required for them. He is caring and considerate with them. They are his BIGGEST fans. =D
Phillip is my BEST FRIEND. There is no one besides the Lord that loves and cares for me the way he does. He takes more abuse than any man I know and still will reach over to comfort and listen to me.
Phillip is my PROTECTOR. When he is gone I have a hard time sleeping because he sleeps with his arms around me most of the night. In his arms I am safe. I know that I can trust him because I KNOW that he loves me.
I could go on and on; but this note would get very mushy very fast. The truth is that I love him more than just about anything. I do not deserve how good he is to me; but I do intend to spend the rest of my life trying my best to prove to him that I love and appreciate him.
I don't just love him for the things that he does for me; but I love him for just being there. Staying when I know that most men would have run the other way. For making me fee like the most important woman in the world.
I love you Phillip...more than any words I type could ever say. You are the man that goes beyond my dreams!!!
.
When I was a little girl I always imagined being married and having my own family. Like most little girls I had it all planned out. I can already see in my daughters this natural wifely and motherly instinct taking hold. It is funny how that we fall in love with the idea of being a wife and mommy before really knowing what all that will entail.
When Phillip was 11 he moved to Houston, TX. From the first moment I saw him I knew that he was the man/boy for me. Some say that at that age you can't possibly know; but I did. As our lives went on I dated others; but always would come back to Phillip. None could compare. He was the one!!
When we got married I was in love with the idea of love. I knew that I loved Phillip and that I wanted to spend my life with him; but I had no idea what a wife was supposed to be and I will readily admit that for the last 11 years he has put up with a lot. He has never left...physically or mentally. He has a lot more patience and mercy than I have ever thought about having. He truly LOVES me.
Phillip is a GREAT provider. He willingly sacrifices his wants and even his needs to give everything he has to me and our two girls. He gives his time, his body; and every last cent of his money to make a life for us that he feels we deserve. I hope that one day I will actually DESERVE it.
Phillip is a FANTASTIC father. He loves his children more than life itself and would lay down his life if it was required for them. He is caring and considerate with them. They are his BIGGEST fans. =D
Phillip is my BEST FRIEND. There is no one besides the Lord that loves and cares for me the way he does. He takes more abuse than any man I know and still will reach over to comfort and listen to me.
Phillip is my PROTECTOR. When he is gone I have a hard time sleeping because he sleeps with his arms around me most of the night. In his arms I am safe. I know that I can trust him because I KNOW that he loves me.
I could go on and on; but this note would get very mushy very fast. The truth is that I love him more than just about anything. I do not deserve how good he is to me; but I do intend to spend the rest of my life trying my best to prove to him that I love and appreciate him.
I don't just love him for the things that he does for me; but I love him for just being there. Staying when I know that most men would have run the other way. For making me fee like the most important woman in the world.
I love you Phillip...more than any words I type could ever say. You are the man that goes beyond my dreams!!!
.
Friday, February 11, 2011
30 Days to Encourage Your Husband *Day 3 Update below
I am a person that is very hard on myself. I feel like I KNOW the teachings of this Body and so that leaves no excuses for mistakes. I am working on this. As well as being hard on myself I have realized that I expect the same of my husband and my children. I know that these are unrealistic expectations and I am working on that as well. In all of my soul searching the last few months I have realized that I can be very merciful and patient with others; but when it comes to my husband and my children I am critical and harsh. This realization is nothing short of painful for me. To realize that you have hurt the people closest to you is heart breaking to say the least. I have been trying to rebuild this relationship; but have found that sometimes the only thing that I can do is pray and keep my mouth SHUT!!! I have watched my daughter Sophia and she wants to please me so much and I want her to know more than anything that I love her and accept her. I have the job as her mother to help shape her confidence in herself. I want her to believe in herself. Both of my girls. And my poor husband...he works so hard to provide not just our needs; but all of our wants. He does a great job and I spend 90% of my time pointing out his flaws instead of praising him for the good he does. Lord help me!! This brings me to the title of this post. I was online and looking at one of my favorite sight's and this was the article that popped up.
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenge/husband-encouragement/#comments
It is something that I think I am going to try. For the details click on the link; but I wanted to post it in case others were interested.
I will try to post any interesting things that occur. Hopefully I will regain the trust and confidence from him that I so desire. I am determined that if I will let the Lord help me HE WILL!!! (Per my Aunt Karen =) He has already so many times before!!
**Day 3 - So far so good. I have been doing my best to NOT say anything negative to Phillip or about Phillip. This has been really encouraging because instead of focusing on the negative I have been looking for the positive. It is amazing how this has changed MY outlook. We have had a few very pleasant days. I am excited to see what the rest of the month holds!!
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenge/husband-encouragement/#comments
It is something that I think I am going to try. For the details click on the link; but I wanted to post it in case others were interested.
I will try to post any interesting things that occur. Hopefully I will regain the trust and confidence from him that I so desire. I am determined that if I will let the Lord help me HE WILL!!! (Per my Aunt Karen =) He has already so many times before!!
**Day 3 - So far so good. I have been doing my best to NOT say anything negative to Phillip or about Phillip. This has been really encouraging because instead of focusing on the negative I have been looking for the positive. It is amazing how this has changed MY outlook. We have had a few very pleasant days. I am excited to see what the rest of the month holds!!
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