Today was one of those days that never had a chance. Fought my youngest to go to sleep for an hour last night. When she finally made it to sleep my oldest woke up every hour almost asking for me to wipe her nose. To top it off my youngest decides to wake me up at 5 am screaming to get out of her room. When it was finally my "official" time to get up I was already in the throws of a major melt down!! In my mind I was asking the Lord for help. I knew already that if I didn't get a handle on this day then it was just going to spiral me into a complete oblivion.
I was standing at the sink singing:
"I need just a little more mercy than you gave me yesterday.
Just a little more strength the battles a little bit harder today.
I need a bit more of that water of life to keep my soul alive.
I want to be ready I want to be in your Bride."
I got up and began moving around and preparing for the day. I sat down on the couch exhausted beyond belief and decided that I could not stay in this house. If I did I was going to lose it completely. I needed a distraction for a little while. I needed fabric softener and some stuff for the girls' Easter outfits so I headed to the store. There my 2 children proceeded to each have their own little melt downs resulting in me screaming at both of them the moment we got back into the car. Not a good day and it was only noon. When I began to put them to bed my youngest begins screaming. This is a new habit she has formed in the last 3 days. Last night she literally screamed so hard she puked!! So for nap today she starts all this over again. I had absolutely no patience left. I had left it all in "yesterday" and it hadn't caught up with "today". I started screaming at the top of my lungs "JESUS I NEED YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW"!!! I didn't know what else to do. All I knew was that if I didn't get help I was going to put my head through a wall (not literally of course that's just how I felt). They stopped screaming and so I went to my knees in their room and started praying (a little calmer now). I was asking the Lord to help my youngest feel peace in her room so that she could sleep and that He would let me calm down and see it from a different perspective. By the end I still had to be firm with her to get her to lay down; but she has now been asleep for about an hour and a half. I realized it as I sat here that I could feel "my crazy" melting away. That's what I call this feeling that sometimes comes out. I say "oops...my crazy is showing". N-e-ways, I am thankful that even in the midst of desperation He is there. He hears me and answers. I still have to learn to control my crazy; but He is right there to help when I need Him.
I have been singing "Heaven is not so far away" all week and I am learning that that is true. I can change my elevation in the midst of situations by calling on the Lord. I hope to remember this in situations to come. At His name every knee shall bow!!!!
In a few years you will enjoy reading this post and laugh about it. . .but you will feel compassion for other young mothers when they look stressed. . .that's what makes older women "help" younger ones. . .they remember.
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